Why Are All The Menschs I Know Not Jewish?

In my life experience a mensch was a really sweet, good-two shoes. Much of my life I didn’t go for this type, but I dated them. All those lovely, good hearted (unscarred & unspoiled by Jewish mothers) men.

Husband would love to think of himself as a mensch.

As disappointed as I am that I cannot see this way, I’m even more baffled that he expects that he would be. Yes, he wants to be successful at everything, the ultimate renaissance man. I do believe there comes a point where we need to accept ourselves as we are right now. Things like this, “ways of being”, are very hard to change. I believe it’s because they are imbedded into our early, early, early childhood. Who were the man’s childhood role models? That will tell us who the man is. It becomes the filter through which all further life training gets interpreted.

I’m wondering where those non-Jewish menschs are now. Interesting that they are ALL too interested in their privacy for Facebook.

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How Long Do You Want To Live

Now that I have a baby, I definately want to live long enough to make sure he’s on the right course in life. I guess that means till he’s 25. Maybe 30? 40? But now that I’m married I may have decreased my life expectancy.

Married men add 10 years on to their life expectancy just because they are married. I suspect that women lose 10 years of our lives because of the stress that husbands bring into the picture. But for sure it will feel as if life’s going on foreeeeeeeeeever.

Thinks He’s A Victim Because Of Expectations

If I have no hope or no confidence about his capabilities then I wouldn’t have expectations.
Expectations is a testament to my faith in him. 

Due to experiences I’ve had with him I’ve had to lower my expectations. And subsequently, I’m lowering my belief in his capabilities and losing any ‘wow-factor’ I had.

He’s convinced me -tried- that his genetic coding, his biology, his MALENESS, causes him to act and not act the way he does. Coincidentily his friends do the same things he does so in his brilliant reasoning that must be the norm.
Are we nothing more than animals? According to him Yes, nothing more than a dog licking himself.

My Superhero Husband Washed His Red Flag Today

He was married 3x before me, Should I Have Been Leary?

I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me. I should have seen a red flag. What planet do I live on?
I figured everyone makes mistakes. His past marriages were just mistakes. As long as we learn from them and develop from our past, it wouldn’t be an indicator of the future.

For each ex he diagnoses a mental impairment. (He also did this when we were dating but I thought he would stop when he realized I was so wonderful.)
His only flaw was being attracted to women with problems.

Or maybe he was attracted to situations where he could be the savior.
I personally find it self deprecating when women play the helpless damsel. It’s such a theatrical performance. But men, like Husband, love this role. It’s more than wanting to he protectors. It’s wanting to be seen as superheros.
Is that what women really want?
Yes, it’s attached to our value of ourselves. Afterall, we are valuable if we are Cinderella not Joan of Arc.
Is this what men want?
Is the only way men feel valuable is if they’re superheros?
My superhero changed lightbulbs today and did HIS laundry, not mine.

He Did a Household Chore Today!

No, I’m not impressively talking about my 5 month old.

Here’s the picture: I’m up for 5am feeding, back to bed-luckily, 7:30am diaper change, up for 9am feeding, 9:30am making breakfast… for husband, who has the luxury of showering, combing his hair, putting on deodorant, brushing teeth. I watch observe tasks enviously. 

I’m making him something I think he’d like. He comes through the kitchen with his bathrobe in hand, stops by the baby and says, Daddy is going to wash his own robe because that’s what real men do.

This my friend is true. Real men do the laundry.
But real men don’t need acclaimation for the 1 out of 200 household tasks they choose to do.

Take note: He did not ask if I had anything to go into the wash. Continue reading

The End Of Life As You Know It

One way to appreciate the life you HAD is to get married.

You will not be able to enjoy yourself as you once did. And if you have a know-it-all husband like me, forget it. Your entire past will be invalidated. What you once thought was valuable life experience is now NOTHING.

Let’s talk about appreciation. Therapists and Oprah will tell you that appreciation is very important in making a marriage work.
I say better you should appreciate your single life. Enjoy yourself, take a class, spend your money. And feel appreciated by people around you. 

I know it’s cliche to say spouses take each other for granted and don’t appreciate. I’ll even add to that. You might even get a warped idea that you’re a dull person because your husband is not curious about your thoughts, feelings, desires, preferences or past accomplishments. It’s not you. It’s the fact that you elevated him to husband. (That word really needs to be defined. It needs more of a universal meaning.)

If you’re dying to be taken for granted then get married.