It seems when 2 people are trying to blend lives there must be much predictability. In order for things to be predictable there needs to be repetition. In other words things need to be handled similarly on a regular basis.
So what does a person who needs variation do? My partner gets concerned and freaked when I don’t respond the same way every minute of every day. I feel I need to experience an entire range of emotions.
And there are times I do respond differently to the same situations. I may be particularly worn out that day. Or maybe I’ve reached my limit of dealing with the same circumstances. For example, when husband uses frying pan to make himself a snack and he washes the pan (happens sometimes) I invaribly have to re-wash the pan before I can use it. Now this is not terrible if I were to have a decent nights sleep, not have to take care of a 2 year old and a 6 month old, and if I had a nanny or home manager even part time. For me the reality is I have my 6 month old in one while cracking open the morning’s eggs. Just as I’m ready to reach for the pan I see the disgusting remnants of husband’s midnight meal. Where predictably I would respond by being silently fustrated, washing it and letting him know in a calm voice that the pans needed to be rewashed, after a night of my 6 month old keeping me up, leave me the dirty pan and I might… yell. Or something.
Being in predicatable patterns to me is deadening to any impulse to try to experience life differently. I think having a predictable range is more like it.