Have you had a breakthrough with your spouse? I have and it always seems like “Ahh, this is the turnaround point.” Then it’s not. Next day ( sometimes even the next hour ) right back to the average behaviors. What can we expect? Therapists say change is possible. There’s even new research that says the brain is more plastic then we had thought in the past. Recently I read that even though brain cells die off starting in our twenties, and greatly after 50, it’s now known that new neurological pathways can be created after 50, even 60.
I guess my spouse is the exception to these new findings. I guess I can understand it. Were he to start changing himself all the self-pitying stories he had would not fit. We all build our whole lives on our beliefs. If we change behaviors OR if we change beliefs there will, at least temporarily there will be a lack of foundation, a lack of self.
I also believe that my husband (I’m not saying all men) think that if they do something pleasing for you once, that’s it. He did it. Job done. Now back to what he really wants to do. I guess this is my real problem…a husband that won’t admit that he would rather be doing ‘anything’ else.
I tried to get him to admit it but I’m sure he’s afraid to say it, afraid of what he might lose. So he goes on living a lie (or “trying” as he would say) and I go on wondering when will this misery end.